The Down and The Up

My rat died today.


I suppose it wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't spent my entire morning driving all around town in search of a companion rat for him, but I did.
I drove all over town thinking about this pathetic little creature, and how to make his life a little brighter, and when I came home he was dead.


I cried.
Interestingly, when Tag was here and a rat died I didn't cry. Maybe it was because I still had one left to love, or maybe it was because I didn't have to be the one to bury it. Or maybe it was because when Tag is gone and an animal dies, the whole thing seems more pathetic.


I hadn't cried at all this deployment until that moment.
And it was as if I felt my whole body shutting down.
What little wind I had left in my sails was gone and I felt heavy and slack.


Lucky for me I had gone to church this morning, before my pet store adventures, and I had spoken with the pastor's wife and I had told her that I was going to attend the small group tonight.
Believe me, after the rat had died the last thing I wanted to do was go to a small group, but I had told her I would go, and so I went.
They prayed for me at the small group. That this deployment would be a time of growth like I'd never known before.
The most amazing thing was, that after the meeting ended, four separate women came up and gave me their phone numbers. They offered to go shopping with me. To eat dinner with me. One woman even offered to come over and watch TV with me.


And so tonight I am not hopeless. Tonight I have hope.